Chocolate Manipulation

For my birthday, a good friend of mine bought me some Dove chocolate. Dove is love, because Dove knows how to do chocolate right. There’s something that has to be pointed out though… and I’m going to shoot you straight. I’m going to tell you even though you probably don’t want to be told.

Ready? Here it is: Dove Chocolate makers are manipulating bastards. We all know, even if we don’t want to admit it, that chocolate isn't a “good for you” snack. Dove Chocolate, however, gets in your health conscientious mind and mixes you up! You don’t even realize it’s happening until it’s too late: Let me show you how Dove wages psychological warfare on us:

You open your first piece, pop it in your mouth and read the wrapper…

“Dare to Dream.”

This is how they kick it off… Dare to Dream that you can eat this candy without consequence. Dare to Dream that you’re not going to want another piece, it’s just this one time… Dare to Dream that it’s a good thing! As it’s melting slowly in your mouth you Dare to Dream that each piece you unwrap doesn't have terrible consequences…. or does it?! It’s nearly gone, and slipping away quickly, when you find yourself rationalizing. You Dare to Dream that you just need ONE more.. You open the second chocolate while thinking about the terrible consequences. Those consequences are reminding you that this is your last piece! Then you read:

“Be Fearless”

Don’t fear the terrible consequences, life with fear is no life at all! Seriously, though: You’re not afraid of chocolate, you can stop any time you want! So you decide to have another piece of delightful goodness!! You eat it quickly. Being fearless means eating it before you change your mind! HURRY! You sigh when it’s finally unwrapped, you know you can’t put it back now! It’s done… you savor and read:

“Escape for a moment.”

YES! You do need to escape, right? Right, it’s only a moment and it’s exactly what you needed. Close your eyes and revel in the decadent coma that is induced by eating your third piece of Dove Chocolate… Mmmm! It’s wonderful, but it melts so... fast! No! It leaves you wanting more! You have to get back to that moment… Shaking with need, and longing to escape the reality that threatens to hit you at any moment, you open the next piece and read:

“Too much of a good thing is wonderful.”

Instant agree!! You sigh because it’s just so wonderful! Eating chocolate has never been so….great! Didn't someone important once say: “There’s no such thing as too much of a good thing”? They sure did! It doesn't matter who, because they’re right… Oh, Dove! You’re just so wonderful. Now to just unwrap another…

“Smile before bed. You’ll sleep better.”

You’re going to smile before bed because you’re taking your Dove Chocolate with you to bed… Oh, but it’s dark and you can’t read anymore sayings, but you’re smiling… and falling asleep.

The next thing you know, you’re waking up in a mess of wrappers, chocolate drool has coated your pillows and stuck to your hair. You panic, knowing you have to hide the evidence! It seems like it takes forever, picking up the tiny foil pieces that have littered your bed.

Once the mess is cleaned up you’re standing under the hot shower, freaking out about what you've done. You swear that it will never happen again, that you won’t let it get you next time...

...but there’s always a next time.

With each wrapper signed: Love, Dove you don’t even need peer pressure to go on! Dove loves you, and easily convinces you they want the best for you… When your bag runs out, and you’re having a panic attack, there’s a Wal-Mart or Walgreen's, or even a gas station where you can get your next fix.

Now you know the truth. I’m sure your palms are itching. You’re trying to tell yourself that you just want to read the sayings to see if my blog is true, but we both know, deep inside, you’re craving that out of control moment. The moment where the world melts away and it’s just you and your bag of Dove.

Stay strong, my friend. That's how they get you!