How to ramble a blog, positive advice!

I've recently read some things that threatened to kill my blog. I've been paralyzed, scared to write, because I was afraid to break some of these rules... One article I read explained that, if you want to get readers, you have to follow a formula. Without following this strict line of rules, you won't build a readership. Somehow I completely disregarded the fact that the article was written in a negative voice, and allowed it's advice to soak in and freak me out. Two things stuck out at me:

#1 - Have a focus. People want to know what your blog is about:

Alright, well... What is my blog about? Adventure. Being different. Being the same. Experiencing emotion.  Celebrating, ranting, and rambling... my blog is about whatever it happens to be about that day. I like to think that it will never be boring. It will randomly include be useless information... but no one can explain to you the manipulation of chocolate like I can... (Read it. Disagree if you'd like, but I somehow doubt you will...) This blog is unfocused, it's random... it's rambling. That's why you're reading it. Embrace the chaos of diving into the unknown, and leaving feeling alright about it! At the end of the day, most of us write because we need that release. Most of us click the publish button, then worry about who will read it, will they like it? That is why it's easy for us to get sucked into the negatives... Look for advice on blogging, if you need it, but if the article starts out telling you a bunch of stuff NOT to do, close the window and look for something more positive. 

#2 - Don't write about yourself.

Meh. I'm not going to totally disagree with this, but I am going to blog about myself now and again. There are things that, in my opinion, are acceptable. Then there are things that are clearly not. I'll not cross that line unless I really feel like it's necessary. So, expect to hear stories about my Granny, my Dad... whoever else I may decide to reminisce about. Life lessons are often make for entertaining ramblings, so therefore they have a place on my blog. If you think about it, today's blog is all about me.. and my reaction to some negative advice I received. I hope that through this blog, someone will have the confidence to do what they want with their free time. 

These two negative thoughts nearly killed my blog. I'm still feeling scared from it. Sometimes reading the wrong thing is like poison... but at the end of the day, what am I trying to do? Write. For whom? Myself. Would I like to entertain others? Yes, of course! If I don't will I stop writing? No. 

The internet is a crazy place, with a lot of information on a lot of things. Don't look for the CAN'Ts/DON'Ts/SHOULDN'ts and look for the things you should do. Write about yourself if you want... Shamelessly self promote yourself, if you want to... be as unfocused and crazy as you want. Someone is always reading... unless you stop writing!

Happy Father's Day!

Today is Father’s day. Typically, I do Father’s Day and Dad’s Birthday all at once. So today I’m going to cook a late lunch for the guys: My Grandpa, my Dad, and my Fiance. Grandpa will spend most of his time creatively picking on my Dad, recommending he vote for Hillary. Not in a straightforward way, but in a more ribbing and entertaining style. My hardcore conservative father will ignore it while he works diligently to oversee my cooking, all while constantly tasting everything. My Fiance, who has been a step dad for almost six years now, will browse Facebook, Buzzfeed, or anything else that might catch his attention until the food is ready. There will be a conversation about Game of Thrones, and cake. It’s very likely that a John Wayne movie will be playing in the background. It’s possible that someone will be playing a video game...

If you follow my blog, you know I like to geek out. I thank my Dad for a lot of that. Without Dad, I wouldn't know about Star Wars, James Bond, Indiana Jones, John Wayne…The list goes on and on, and also includes the limited understanding of Professional Wrestling I have!

Anywho...

I’ve selected a memory to share with them today! It’s a good one, so I’m going to share it with you, too:

I stayed home from school one day, because I had the flu.  It was fall, so it was going around. It was probably the one time in my adolescence I wished that I felt well enough to be at school. I was camped out on the couch. Mom had put blankets down then cocooned me in before she left for work. Probably to make sure I didn’t go anywhere, since I’d be alone until dad got home. I was watching The Price is Right, one of the BEST things to watch when home from school sick. I had just watched an awesome round of my favorite game, Plinko! Pretty exciting, but as the commercials started I was reminded of how sick I felt. Every picture of food made me nauseous. At this point, I was so glad that food didn’t make sounds! I buried my face in my pillow and waited for the Showcase Showdown to begin. That’s when my dad got home from work, he brought me some pepto bismol, sprite, and soup. I was thankful, but again: not trying to think about food. He laughed when I told him though. was standing in the kitchen, I can remember this like it was yesterday:

“I got you some soup and sprite.”

“I can’t even look at food right now, It makes everything worse.”

“Oh?” He laughed, was quiet for a minute, then; “What about this…” Smiling, he holds up the gigantic bowl of candy from Halloween.

I had been talking with my face in the couch until he asked that, and I knew better than to look! It was more of an auto-reaction. My eyes took in the layers of chocolate and hard candy. The thought of all that sugar increased my nausea to it’s breaking point! I had to get somewhere FAST! The closest place was the kitchen sink, so that’s where it ended. No garbage disposal, and I had to clean that up myself. He thought it was hilarious, but I was so mad at him that day!

Ahh… memories! I was mad, but he’s a great Dad and I am lucky to have him!

Happy Father’s Day to all of you who work hard to best the best for your kids… today we show our love and appreciation for all of the things you to do to help our families be successful!

Complex Cutlery

This conversation started as my friend and I were watching Orange is the New Black. If you've watched the show, you might remember the part I’m talking about: Alex is laying in her cot, she asks Piper to come be her “little spoon”. It’s a reference to the spooning cuddle position. My friend and I determined, by binge watching Season 1, that Larry is a little spoon person. He lacks confidence to be a big spoon. After thinking about this more I’ve come to a few conclusions… It was like dominoes. One fell over, then the next.  I think I may be onto something here… see if you follow:

The dominate person is typically the big spoon. Certain people are cut out for big spoondom, and other people need a big spoon to lean on. If you have the big spoon personality, you’re likely looking for a little spoon to cuddle. If you’re a little spoon, and another little spoon finds you… it’s probably not going to work out. For me, I like being a little spoon. I like my man to be a fork on the streets and a big spoon in the sheets. I like that when we’re out and about, he’s pointy and he doesn't care if his tines aren't straight. When we’re at home he’s smooth. He makes me feel confident. We fit together.

The more I thought about this though, the deeper the rabbit hole became! It all started with the understanding that most relationship problems come up when people aren't able to comfortably settle into the drawer at night. If both people are the big spoon, or both are the little spoon, then how do they fit?

I know what you’re thinking: All of the spoons, big and little, fit together nicely in your silverware drawer. They lay in the plastic silverware divider perfectly. You’re right, but here’s where I’m going to blow your mind: We’re not in that drawer! Human nature makes us crave that drawer, because it looks normal. In the real world we exist in the drawer beside it. You know what I’m talking about? That messy, catch-all drawer that has the large serving spoons, spatulas, the whisk...maybe even a stray cookie cutter; the drawer that’s usually hard to close because everything is crammed into it.

I believe this drawer is where the real people are. Reality is that we’re all spatulas and cookie cutters; we’re different. Our friends and family are the utensils crammed in the drawer with us. We each have a vision of who we’d like to be, or who we want to find. That person may or may not be a spoon twenty four hours a day… and that’s alright, because when we reach for them they will be what we need; big spoon, little spoon… maybe even a spatula!

As a wanna be little spoon, I started out looking for the perfect big spoon. (I feel lucky to have found him.) As I became a more seasoned utensil, it became clearer that I’ve found someone who can fit into my junk drawer without falling out, or getting broken when it’s slammed shut.

I believe we’re all looking for someone who fits with us, and all our junk, and makes us feel good about it. I’m going to leave you with a song. It’s titled Various Kitchen Utensils, by this band Skybox. This is from an older album, but I’m sure you’ll agree the title is perfect for this blog. It’s been playing in my head since the entire “Big Spoon/Little Spoon” conversation started.

Have any thoughts to contribute? I’d love to hear them! Comment, like, share…

Fire in the Hole

I've lived around Branson, Missouri nearly all of my 32 years. My family has been here their entire lives. There are stories that have floated around this town as long as I can remember. I guess you could call them urban legends, or local folklore. Some of these stories have truth them, others are just talk… then there are those that are a combination of the two.

One of the scariest stories has been told since I was a youngster. It’s about a roller coaster at our local theme park, Silver Dollar City. Fire in the Hole is an indoor, super dark, three story roller coaster. It’s themed around the activities of the Baldknobbers, a vigilante group that terrorized the Ozarks in the late 1800’s.

The first time I rode this ride, I was so scared that I cried the entire time we waited in line. I shifted back and forth anxiously, tearfully arguing with my parents. My fear was so obvious that it quickly spread to other kids who were standing in line. At first they stared at me and then started questioning their parents. This made pretty much everyone in line annoyed with me, but my Dad insisted I suck it up and go.

Why was I so scared? Well, I was told a story that sounded something like this:

“A man was killed when he stood up on the “Fire in the Hole” and his head was chopped clean off!”

There were gruesome additions to the story. Some said the head landed in the lap of the people behind him. Others said that everyone on the ride was covered in blood. These things terrified me. As we were standing in line, my Dad assured me that the story was false. He had worked at Silver Dollar City my entire life. I assumed that he would know if it were true, but it didn’t help me to relax.

Then, as we were taking our seats, he said: “Just stay in your seat and you’ll be okay, alright?” That’s my dad. Always the jokester. As we rolled into the darkness I was holding his hand so tight that mine went numb. He jumped, right as we got into the pitch black, and I yelped. He laughed, and I don’t remember ever being so mad at him before. I alternated between periods of screaming and hyperventilating until it was over. When we rolled back into the starting area, I couldn't keep the smile from my face. I did it and I still had my head! I wanted to go again, immediately!

I remember feeling like a bad ass once I had rode the ride. I wanted to share that scary story with other kids, give them the fear! I finally believed that it wasn’t true, and eventually I forgot about the story completely. Until the other day, when a friend of mine brought it up. So, I decided to look into it.

Those of us who have rode Fire in the Hole know that before each drop, it looks as if the wall in front of you is lifting up as you drop under it. It gives the appearance that there is little (or no) clearance. One could easily imagine getting beheaded if standing at the wrong time.

I was surprised to find out that, to some extent, this is true story. On July 9th, 1980 a man was killed on the ride. His head was not chopped off, but he did sustain a serious head injury when the roller coaster was accidentally switched into service track from the actual ride track. Unfortunately he did not survive the injury. The theme park closed the ride for a few days to make changes to their maintenance area. They also changed several of their regulations.

This information was easily found through a Google search, but it seemed like the same tiny paragraph was reprinted on each site. I was unable to find any other details. I believe the lack of information on the accident it is what caused the story to reach urban legend status. Have any insight you’d like to share? Leave a comment!

Summer Memories

Summer is almost here! School is out. I miss having a summer vacation. A lot of my summer memories are of my Granny’s house. My brother, cousins, and I spent a lot of our summers there while our parents worked. Granny lived in a small house, down a dirt road, in Highlandville, Missouri.

Upon arrival I would run in to hug Granny, then drink some of her water. She always had an insulated Cox Hospital mug full of ice cold water sitting next to her. Since she was in the country she had her own well. Her water tasted so good!

“Manda Beth, don’t you drink all Grandma’s water…I just filled that up!” She’d say, then shoo me out to play. Still to this day she occasionally refers to herself in the third person.

Then I’d go outside to play with my cousins. Everyone had to say a curse word, out loud, if you wanted to play. I always said “shit” because it seemed like the least offensive of curses. This was your initiation into our secret club: The Kool Cats. Once you've said your curse word it was understood that you couldn't go tattle... unless you wanted to get yourself in trouble.

We played things like “McDonald’s Drive-Thu” and “The Ghost of Hollers”... but those are stories for other blogs. The point is, we stayed out of Granny’s hair until it was time to eat lunch. She’d feed all us ramen noodles, or mac-n-cheese. It was alright though, because we all knew that Granny made the best of either. Back then we called ramen “long noodles”. She’d put extra butter in them which really made them really creamy. Ramen is a salty meal, which always made me thirsty. So back for more water I’d go. It always got on her nerves because I had a terrible habit of getting a new glass every time. I can still hear her now. Her voice always starts out with a bit of a high pitch when she's irritated: “Manda...*insert sigh and annoyed look* You don’t need a new glass every time you get water!” 

It wasn't that I was trying to be obnoxious, I just didn't think about it. That well water always did me right… 

...until one day, it didn't.

My childhood best friend, Mandi, had came with me that day. We were on our way home, in mom’s minivan, traveling south on the highway. We passed a billboard, and started the descent down the long hill. It was raining. As we gained momentum the van started hydroplaning. Out of control we spun around, tilt-o-whirl style, to the bottom the hill. The entire time we were spinning I was screaming. At some point I peed my pants.

There we were, on the side of the road, my pants stained with fresh pee. Oh, yeah... there was a lot of other stuff going on too, like some kind of damage to the van… but let’s be real: None of that mattered to me at that point. I was freaking out. My thoughts were on repeat, over and over I kept thinking: “I am ten years old and I just peed my pants! My best friend is here, and she’s laughing! She will tell everyone! I can’t stop crying. I’m so embarrassed. Wet pants are so uncomfortable!”

This was before cell phones. My mom actually trusted a stranger to take my brother back to Granny’s house to get help. It wasn't far. Two of my cousins, who were both athletic, ran down to help us as soon as they heard. My aunt and uncle drove down to help, too.

Mom made me wrap my Dad’s reflector yellow Silver Dollar City windbreaker jacket around my waist. My ten year old brain processing it as the equivalent of a sign saying: “I just wet my britches!” Dad’s jacket was huge, but it wasn't big enough to hide from the world! It was like a skirt, and it covered my wet pants well enough to ride in my aunt’s car back to Granny’s.

Everyone had a good laugh about the whole thing, mostly due to the relief that it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. My wet pants got a lot of attention, and I blamed it on one thing publicly: fear. In the back of my mind, though, I knew I had learned yet another important lesson: Don’t drink a lot of water before a car ride.

Looking back now, as an adult who is often annoyed by the number of cups and glasses found on my counter every day, I feel like the whole pant wetting situation might have been some kind of karmic retribution imposed on me for my inability to use ONE GLASS. Who knows...

Ahhh, but I love summer time.

DISCOVERY: The Scooby-Doo / Catfish Connection

For those of you who don’t know:

MTV’s Catfish: the TV Show is about people falling in love on the internet, only to find out that their love interest isn't who they say they are. Our heroes Nev and Max travel the country, unmasking these Catfish, one per episode.

Scooby-Doo was an animated mystery adventure, from the early 70’s. In this our heroes traveled the country in their Mystery Machine with their home dog, Scooby, solving mysteries that randomly popped up.

So now you’re thinking: Scooby-Doo wasn't about anyone falling in love! You’re absolutely right, but Scooby-Doo was about people going to extremes to get what they want. Usually that involved wearing a mask, to be someone else, as they accomplished it.

On Catfish, the person doing the deceiving is always wearing a mask too! Only their mask is a virtual facade that they hide behind. They steal pictures to make up their mask, then invent stories to make it all seem real.

Every ghostly bad guy on Scooby-Doo knew their plan was about to be foiled when the Mystery Machine rolled in. I imagine the same could be said of any Catfish who hears: “Hi! This is Nev from MTV’s Catfish!” They know their cover is about to be blown.

Now it’s time for my imagination to take over as I consider what it would be like, if the shows were combined: After the phone call, the slapstick comedy of Scooby-Doo takes over and the Catfish starts running around trying to hide. The gang, MTV’s camera crew, Nev and Max, all chase after the Catfish and the hilarity of the back and forth becomes boring and overdone. That’s when it all ends… Nev and Max set up the perfect plan to pull the mask off. The Catfish says something silly like “..and I would have, if it weren't for you meddling kids!”

Just something to think about!

Life lessons, learned via video games.

Have you ever played a game, and felt that it taught you an important lesson? Maybe... but I'm betting you've never thought about it that way. Well in this post I call attention to some quotes that stick out to me as good lessons learned via Video Games!

“Thank you, Mario! -- But our Princess is in another castle!” Toad, Super Mario Bros.

Growing up there tends to be this transition from Disney movies to video games. For a lot of us, video games started with Super Mario Bros, which was exciting because this time we get to save the Princess ourselves!

Our first quote, however, goes against everything Disney has been brainwashing us to believe. In the Disney world, you sing some songs, and then BAM!! The princess wins! It’s happy, and heartwarming…

With Mario’s struggle we experience reality… From your place in the eternal friend zone, you have to avoid crazy Goombas while finding the pipes without piranhas waiting to snack you up! Through Mario we learn that not every ending is sunshine and roses! We've worked hard, avoiding the ball in chains and dealing with Bowser, only to be told that there is more work to be done! When you finally get to the Princess, if you managed to, then you truly understand the values of hard work and perseverance!

"You have died of dysentery” (Oregon Trail)

Oregon Trail taught us many things. The most important thing we learned was to start off with a decent amount of rations, bullets and some extra clothes to trade the Indians! Oh, and not to go at a grueling pace when there’s a blizzard. Some of you may think: “Duh! that’s common sense”, but it’s time to face the facts! We've all seen the headstones! There’s always a Banker trying to head west. Typically, broke down on the side of the trail, because they were too tight to buy adequate wagon wheels and you know they aren't skilled enough to fix it themselves! They’re stuck there, eating contaminated rations until their insides turn out… that’s dysentery. That’s how it gets ya! You only die of dysentery if you’re being a fool, and that’s what we've learned here! Don’t be a greedy, unreasonable fool and you won’t die of dysentery.

“We stand upon the precipice of change. The world fears the inevitable plummet into the abyss. Watch for that moment… and when it comes, do not hesitate to leap. It is only when you fall that you learn whether you can fly.” Flemeth, Dragon Age 2

First I have to point out that Flemeth, aka Asha’bellanar, is a true bad ass. Just putting that out there. This quote is important because our world is always on the precipice of change. A lot of people ( I’m not pointing fingers!) DO fear the inevitable, be it a plummet into the abyss, or that dish in the back of your fridge with the questionable contents.

Uncomfortable situations aren’t fun, so some of us put them off as long as possible. Then, while we’re putting it off, we’re worrying about what will happen when it catches up to us. Here, our friendly Witch of the Wilds is telling us is to face those fears head on! Stop living in fear and jump into the fray with a proactive attitude. Chances are you’ll fly, because most people do… or you throw away the dish, and hope no one notices it in the trashcan.

That’s how the Witch of the Wilds lives her life. Of course, she’s a dragon so when she jumps into the fray she can either turn her enemies into a crispy snack, or fly away… Regardless, don’t wait for the feared meeting/object/person come to you! Meet it head on, and rise above!

“Nothing is true, everything is permitted.” - The Assassin’s Creed Maxim

Originally this quote was taken from Alamut, a novel written in 1938 by Vladimir Bartol. The novel was about a prophet who attempts to take over a region with the help of a handful of elite assassins, sound familiar? Much like the game, the maxim of the book was: “Nothing is an absolute reality, all is permitted.”

Here’s the quick sitch: After being lied to, assassin Ibn Tahir is given the truth of the story: His mentor, Hassan has convinced people to give up their lives, because he has the power to make sure they have a beautiful afterlife in heaven. The reality is that Hassan doesn't have that power, he’s just using it to control people so he can get revenge on a dude that pissed him off back in the day. So, Ibn rages out and goes back to Alamut to kill Hassan.

Hassan tells Ibn Tahir that he has always lived by the maxim: nothing is true, everything is permitted. Then he sends Ibn Tahir out into the world a little wiser. He wants Ibn Tahir to know that no matter who he is talking to, be it a high ranking political person, law enforcement, whatever: There’s a possibility they aren't as good/bad as they claim to be. Question everything, because nothing is true! Where he says everything is permitted, everything is! Freedom with a caveat: what is YOUR limit. What can you do and still sleep at night?

In Assassins Creed: Revelations, Ezio tells us that the maxim is an observation. To him, the maxim’s statement “Nothing is true” means society is fragile and he believes we must be shepherds of our civilization, watching after it to help it survive. When the maxim says “everything is permitted” it means that we’re in control of our actions, and have to live with them… good or bad.

The book and the game both teach a similar lesson, and I guess that lesson could have a different meaning, depending on how you understand it. For me, it simply means: Be cautious, and live honorably.

I have a feeling that this will be a reoccurring theme on my blog, as I imagine there will be many more quotes I will remember after this is posted. What’s your favorite game quote? I’m interested, so let me know!

Chocolate Manipulation

For my birthday, a good friend of mine bought me some Dove chocolate. Dove is love, because Dove knows how to do chocolate right. There’s something that has to be pointed out though… and I’m going to shoot you straight. I’m going to tell you even though you probably don’t want to be told.

Ready? Here it is: Dove Chocolate makers are manipulating bastards. We all know, even if we don’t want to admit it, that chocolate isn't a “good for you” snack. Dove Chocolate, however, gets in your health conscientious mind and mixes you up! You don’t even realize it’s happening until it’s too late: Let me show you how Dove wages psychological warfare on us:

You open your first piece, pop it in your mouth and read the wrapper…

“Dare to Dream.”

This is how they kick it off… Dare to Dream that you can eat this candy without consequence. Dare to Dream that you’re not going to want another piece, it’s just this one time… Dare to Dream that it’s a good thing! As it’s melting slowly in your mouth you Dare to Dream that each piece you unwrap doesn't have terrible consequences…. or does it?! It’s nearly gone, and slipping away quickly, when you find yourself rationalizing. You Dare to Dream that you just need ONE more.. You open the second chocolate while thinking about the terrible consequences. Those consequences are reminding you that this is your last piece! Then you read:

“Be Fearless”

Don’t fear the terrible consequences, life with fear is no life at all! Seriously, though: You’re not afraid of chocolate, you can stop any time you want! So you decide to have another piece of delightful goodness!! You eat it quickly. Being fearless means eating it before you change your mind! HURRY! You sigh when it’s finally unwrapped, you know you can’t put it back now! It’s done… you savor and read:

“Escape for a moment.”

YES! You do need to escape, right? Right, it’s only a moment and it’s exactly what you needed. Close your eyes and revel in the decadent coma that is induced by eating your third piece of Dove Chocolate… Mmmm! It’s wonderful, but it melts so... fast! No! It leaves you wanting more! You have to get back to that moment… Shaking with need, and longing to escape the reality that threatens to hit you at any moment, you open the next piece and read:

“Too much of a good thing is wonderful.”

Instant agree!! You sigh because it’s just so wonderful! Eating chocolate has never been so….great! Didn't someone important once say: “There’s no such thing as too much of a good thing”? They sure did! It doesn't matter who, because they’re right… Oh, Dove! You’re just so wonderful. Now to just unwrap another…

“Smile before bed. You’ll sleep better.”

You’re going to smile before bed because you’re taking your Dove Chocolate with you to bed… Oh, but it’s dark and you can’t read anymore sayings, but you’re smiling… and falling asleep.

The next thing you know, you’re waking up in a mess of wrappers, chocolate drool has coated your pillows and stuck to your hair. You panic, knowing you have to hide the evidence! It seems like it takes forever, picking up the tiny foil pieces that have littered your bed.

Once the mess is cleaned up you’re standing under the hot shower, freaking out about what you've done. You swear that it will never happen again, that you won’t let it get you next time...

...but there’s always a next time.

With each wrapper signed: Love, Dove you don’t even need peer pressure to go on! Dove loves you, and easily convinces you they want the best for you… When your bag runs out, and you’re having a panic attack, there’s a Wal-Mart or Walgreen's, or even a gas station where you can get your next fix.

Now you know the truth. I’m sure your palms are itching. You’re trying to tell yourself that you just want to read the sayings to see if my blog is true, but we both know, deep inside, you’re craving that out of control moment. The moment where the world melts away and it’s just you and your bag of Dove.

Stay strong, my friend. That's how they get you!